Nelson Auteur: Testimonials

Editor's Note:

All testimonials are reviewed for appropriate grammar, literary sophistication, tone and sub text. If not found satisfactory by the Nelson Auteur he will kindly rewrite your compliments to his standards. Contributors names will not be identified unless deemed important to the Auteur's brand. No exceptions.

* Thank you for this. A most enlightening document, one that should be required viewing for all young artists and art students. I am wondering if I should recommend the Auteur be given a limited one semester course at ACAD. Those students could use someone like this instead of those other instructors who just say that they should "just smear the paint around".

* I am afraid Opinions Aplenty Parts 1 and 2 depict the Auteur in a pretty bad light. By what he advises he gives himself away as being a product of the 70s abd 80s. I think he has been in Nelson too long and does not realize that there are more pressing issues and solutions to his concerns. I could bring him up to date but the thought of meeting or even corresponding with him makes me a bit nauseous. Just thinking about it makes....oh excuse me.....I gotta go.....aargggh.

* A reply to this one and the previous "Celebrity" one. First the later, it was sad...the celebrity seemed pathetic and gravely unhappy. You did a good job in capturing this. Now this one, Awkward Interview, it was a cornucopia of color and costume. Highly entertaining and educational to boot. Congratulations. I think you are on to something at long last.

* What always amazes me is the breath and scope of the Auteur's interests. Five Easy Questions does not particularly interest me as I am of the zen persuasion thus only interested in matters of spiritual enlightenment. However, this one will go over big with the Wall Street crowd and will no doubt be required viewing at their weekly think tank meetings. Perhaps you could parlay it into some sort of thing that would result in some start up capital should you choose to expand your productions into full blown infomercial.

* I got to be honest and am going to tell you something you probably are aware of but if not, here are my observations: This film will not be successful in the main stream theaters. It may do well in the art houses but due to the intentional garbled sound and extreme lighting it will have limited success with the general public. Again, it shows the breath of the Auteur's sensibility and in a minor masterpiece but is too confusing for wide distribution.

PS The ending is wonderful!

* Now we're talkin'! This "word worker" is certainly smart. I like things smart. And, the Auteur's combination of the worker's thoughts with that other fellow's intense concentration is a brilliant juxtaposition of sight and sound. I predict this one will be used in film schools for years to come as an example of pure film making. The Auteur's status in the history of the genre is now secure.

* 'The New Materialists' ... or ... hoarders needing to justify their collections .. haaaa! and 'this thing power' ... Terrific !!! Haaaaaaaa!!

* Haa ... more great interviews!!! What characters!!!!! Excellent! [and the audience loves it!]

* This makes perfect sense to me. I laughed so hard I almost popped my cookies and did in fact pee my pants. This is the kind of thing that should be shown in Calgary instead of pictures of romantic landscapes and insane women. Someone should start a petition.

* He is truly amazing!. I am always amazed when someone like this just ad libs as my public appearances are always highly scripted but I suppose I get away with it because I write the stuff myself.

* It never ceases to amaze me, your broad concerns and the fact that this movie reaches out to the fairer sex and offers a helping hand. The best art is this kind in that it is well crafted, in focus and most importantly socially caring. Keep up the good work.

* Here's a quote you can use for PR endorsements.

"Beautifully Baudy! A must see!

* A very slick presentation but one to be wary of. The information given is an attempt to torpedo the careers of young rising artists thus protecting the status quo. A reactionary movie.

* I have to be honest with you. I enjoyed this one as I like philosophy but I am afraid the mass audience will not make this one a smash as they like sex and violence best. However, keep it in your collection as it is an example of the deepness and breadth of your interests.

PS As an aside, art does not come from life. It comes from the studio. But leave this in as it will generate discussion after viewing.

* This one you should present to the Nelson Chamber of Commerce to use as a promotional tape to air on NBC. The village could use a shot in the arm and this tape should do the trick.

* I am afraid the "courtroom drams" style is not your forte. There are not as many twists and turns as their should be. If you insist on getting involved with this train you should check out old Ironsides programs for a few tips.

* Utter verbal balderdash but the visuals are well worth archiving in the Library of Congress.

* Although I am no expert on mental illness I will still pose the question no one likes to hear: Do you think the Auteur should get some help?

* If you wouldn't mind pass this on to the Auteur if you are still in contact. Tell him I was once a leading figure of the avant garde. But I too met with barriers purpously put in my road to the top and I decided that trying to educate the philisteens was not worth the sacrifice. So...I packed up my video camera, broke my urinals and took the road less traveled and as a result have become an artist of the PEOPLE. Sort of like a Norman Rockwell of the Prairies you might say. Speaking of Norm, I see a painting of his sold last week for 45 million which I guess means one of mine will sell tonight at the Truck Gallery auction for at least $45

*** In answer to your inquiry about the Auteur.... Obviously the Auteur is missed since you are the second of his 7 or 8 subscribers to have inquired. Well maybe they aren't subscribers but when the marketing plan rolls out they will be.

Well it's a bit of a sad story... About 6 weeks ago on behalf of the Auteur, I approached a venue in Nelson called Expressions that serves as a curated space for multi art presentations, readings, movies, poetry readings, folk singin', activist platforms etc....they have a Wednesday night "open night " that includes a mix of stuff and I explained to the manager of the space how important the Auteur was and that it would be a coup to screen one or maybe two vids on a Wednesday night. I sent him the Nelson Auteur web site to view and to re-emphase once again that the Auteur was no flake.....in retrospect that was likely not a good idea.

I see the manager, whose name is Nelson by the way, on occasion at the coffee shop...his only remark coming from a man in his 50's and with a pony tail was that he found the vids "a bit out there". Needless to say the Auteur was outraged and left town with Missy Mayhem ....screaming Nelson Auteur Banned in Nelson.....

So I get an occasional card from Isle Mujeres ...you know.... the Island of Women....he may come back but depends what Missy wants to do and whether she misses me!

In the meantime to fill in my idle hours I have undertaken an avant garde series of me walking and walking and walking..... So that's the scoop!

* In strictest confidence I know the whole story. I cannot say more except to tell you that if the Auteur knew what I know he would not be wasting his time interviewing these types.

* You can't make this stuff up.....

* This sounds terribly suspicious. My theory is that this criminal is no doubt the drug dealer that is trying to sell the bogus Mayor Ford crack cocaine tape. It just makes sense. The Auteur specializes in tapes and is a first class crook. I am sure the tape was all phony as the A has a vast supply of costumes and lots of pillows to make his actors look fat.

* I did not realize until I saw this one that Mayor Ford was a mayor of the people. This one paints Ford in quite a good light. I sense you are anti Ford so I suggest you do not, I repeat, do not release this one. You will only hurt your cause.

* You may be able to fool some people but like you I have been to the Banff Centre and your attempt to make your company sound international may succeed with less traveled types but not with me. That zombie is obviously a resident of the the Arts program at the Banff Centre. Nice

* Sensitive, so sensitive....but....I don't understand a thing about it.

* This second version is the better one. However, one should never be drunk when on camera. That is my first rule.

* Warning to all that may view this movie. Do not, I repeat do not believe a word of this. He has never been sorry for anything that he does and continues to do. In fact, it is just the opposite. He revels in all of the misdeeds, back stabbing, and downright evil things that he perpetrates. This sort of propaganda is the lowest of the low acts and most amazing is that some suckers believe it for god knows what reason...but they do. Normally I would find this amusing but in this case I am absolutely repulsed. He is a lying, thieving reprobate who will stop at nothing to disguise his true nature.

* Wow, scratching the surface of your talents .. now includes a singing career! Very COOL dude!!

* This is a rather enigmatic movie. Very mysterious and possibly profound. I am curious. Why did you juxtapose the Auteur's dialogue with footage of the great Russian author Tolstoy? I suspect it was done because of his LT's intense look but I am not sure. Please clarify

PS And that long lost footage must be very valuable--or is it really some Hollywood footage of Johnny Depp playing Tolstoy that you managed to pirate?

* Maestro auteur .. I hear ya , I hear ya!!

* Well, until the final text this one made absolutely no sense. Now I am trying to figure out if you took too long to get to the point. You may be falling into the trap that I was always accused of back when i was a film maker, that is of not being a ruthless edit. Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not take out the laughing gent. Johnny Depp is too valuable an actor to leave on the cutting room floor.

* I was afraid of this eventuality and alas, it has come to pass. Noooooooo! Please god, have mercy.

* Another quote for the Auteur from Walter Benjamin's "The Arcades Project". I'm not sure why it seems to connect but the Auteur may get it: "The constructions of History are comparable to the institutions of the military, which browbeat daily life and assign it to barracks. Over against that, the anecdotal is like a street fight or an insurrection."

* Potentially a very useful work for those who are broke. However, I hope this is not and indication of a direction away from the medium the Auteur is so adept at and towards a commercial direction . I hope he does not become the Donald Trump of video art. If this is the case it would be a terrible loss not only to the avant garde art world but also to Nelson's Shutterbug Club.

* A sad but strangely hopeful work.

* ......still didn't work for me either.... though i enjoyed the execution immensely....

* So glad to see the Auteur is attempting to confront social and environmental issues. I know with my own work I have been doing this successfully for years however, I want you to pass along this bit of advice to him. He voices his concern yet insists on building a shack in what was once pristine forests and no doubt cuts down giant redwoods to heat the place and has no plumbing thus forcing himself to relieve himself out in his back yard thus exacerbating the very problem he claims to care about. He will get flack for this so he best dream up some defense for such attacks. He seems a bit like that female singer from Calgary who went off to the US and hung around with Dylan to get famous...what's her name again.....Johnny Mitchey or something like that... You might pass this on to her also next time you run into her at the local tie dye supply shop. Trains and planes are part of the problem. Time to look at both sides now. In any case, tell the Auteur I applaud his attempt but he should really move back to civilization.

* Quite an insight to a creative mind. I like getting the Auteur's work first thing in the morning while I sip my tea and last thing at night while sipping tumblers of Camus Cognac Cuvee 3.128 (perhaps you should goggle this so you will know what I am talking about.) To be honest though I do get somewhat weary of listening to creative types that always seem to have problems. I know I don't.

* You have yet again misrepresented me. How can you live with yourself.

* I saw a problem with the continuity. At about the 3/4 mark that blue thing falls off the A's head. Then that damn train passes and when the Auteur reappears the blue thing is back on his head. Fix this or people will think it was done by an amateur not an Auteur.

* ..the 'blue thing 'was placed back on the Auteur's head during the train passing through a tunnel therefore no loss of marks for poor continuity.Most sophisticated viewers, which is the Auteur's main audience,would understand that!

* You have certainly outdone yourself this fine Sunday. I believe it is a record. Four beauts in what...12 hours or so. Now, if you will permit me a suggestion--take these four, contact your many contacts in the curatorial and Art Gallery Director world and suggest an "installation".

The installation will be these four works butted up against each other in a very large square on their biggest wall all playing simultaneously with sound blasting. You may choose the title for this show.

* This is absolute gibberish.......................... but the thunder and lightning were good.

* I am afraid I am in agreement with the chap who the auteur is interviewing or is the auteur the one being interviewed. In any case, the locker room is a sacred place--always has been.

* I would have thought the N.A. Would have required a more imposing media and method ala Gustom Borlund's great Rushmore. And Nelson's surrounding mountains could provide the means. And that way his visage could inspire the community in total on a constant basis.

* I suggest you reconsider this project, terminate the current efforts and go in this new direction. While a bit of money has been spent, the greater impact of a NA portrayed in this manner will be well worth it. Perhaps the current small project can be rededicated to a lesser figure like JAW. Or Cran (who as we know is loved by millions). But in any event I am sure the Harper government will be enthusiastic and make up the difference, its only the cost of a few F35 or the plans for an icebreaker.

* Enlightening. It is always beneficial to actually hear from artists what they think. However, when speaking about the tree and keeping in mind that I am a Buddhist, I would have said "In order to paint a tree, you must become a tree."

* I am a bit concerned as the Auteur seems a little incoherent. Do you suppose it is a result of all the hard work he is doing on that statue.

* I just had to send these comments. Please post but keep my knighthood private.

Rake, drunkard, aesthete, gossip, raconteur extraordinaire: the lead narrator and self styled star of Nelson Auteur's unlimited rambling, rambunctious masterpieces is all these and more. Speaking to an unforgiving camera—he often unburdens himself of a lifetime’s worth of stories. Thus we learn of amatory conquests (and humiliations), of scandals both private and public, of cafe adventures and domestic chores, of what things were like “in the days when he was somebody” and how they’ve changed since. As this videos tumbles restlessly forward, and the comic tone takes on darker shadings, we realize we are listening and watching a man talking with the voices of humanity as much out of deception as from exuberant probity.

The Nelson Auteur ,through exhaustive marketing efforts is determined to be one of the great local Auteurs of the twenty first century. As well as an inveterate haunter of Nelson's pubs and brothels, he has developed a unique method which he termed “stealing,” whereby characters of stolen voice , gab and soliloquize with abandon. Part drunken boast, part soul-rending confession, part metaphysical poem on the nature of celebrity and time, this astonishing man's man shows why he has earned the admiration of himself and possibly others.

The Nelson Auteur is certainly articulate. He speaks like a Lord.

* THIS IS QUITE A GOOD ONE AND I GET IT BUT FOR THE UNIFORMED VIEWER YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC....YOU SHOULD HAVE COME RIGHT OUT AND SOMEHOW SAID THAT HE WAS AND IS TRYING TO DESTROY ME. QUIT PUSSY FOOTING AROUND!!!!!

*Now you're talkin'

*Well that last one must have got a couple of you tube hits yesterday for you to have produced a sequel so fast. But I suppose one must strike while the iron is hot in this business. Good to see the Auteur has gotten off his straw mat.

*This is from the fellow who you are ripping off. It appears as though you have a new fan. "I like it a lot."

*Even though this one seems to critique me the over riding value of it is it is a nice thing to view upon arising from a bad night's sleep as I did this morning. Viewing that wise and wonderful face give one the courage to go out and greet the ever increasing cruel world, Thank you Mr Auteur. Thank you, thank you.

*Now your talkin' and hitting your stride. I think you have finally found your voice. (Except, cut out that part where he laughs. It spoils the gentleness and melancholy of the piece.) Without the laughter it is the perfect piece to end my day with. Good night. Sleep tight. And oh don't let the bed bugs bite in that third floor walk up you live in.

* Your back in the groove. This one leaves no ambiguous intent. It is clear, succinct and poignant. As an aside, it also introduces a bit of sex which is quite a breakthrough for you. I wonder if this is a sign of things to come. Let's hope so.

* Hahahahah! Good one!

* Wow…impressive! The auteur has been hard at work...he's good at latin too!

* The Nelson Auteur has set a standard in not only the production of movies for all ages, but more importantly has set a standard in how to live...free and carefree...free of guilt, carefree in his oblivion to catty criticism and nasty rumors about his appreciation for goats. He sits in his upstairs abode quietly observing the passing world below all the time reserving judgment on the foibles of the local peasants that he documents daily. He has bigger things to think about, things like where is the next meal coming from and where in the world did he put his cell phone. While others watch nightly "The Price Is Right" the Auteur reads comic books.

* You really hit the nail on the head with this one!!!!!

* Well, you sort of got my suggestion but the content is a bit raucous and too political unlike the serene sensibility and bourgeois point of view of the works of the Master of Delft. The musical ending is a bit more what I had in mind.

* I love this! Well done! Will pass along link to friends.

* Now there's a true artist-e if you've ever seen one!

* If you would be so kind to allow me a question...or should I say observation. I am not sure of the connection here between the buying of something at an auction and the ocean. Perhaps it is some sort of juxtaposition of your background as an artist and your attachment to the sea since your miserable and deprived childhood surviving on a diet of cod cheeks and smelts.

* I eagerly await in heightened expectation the next entry of the Auteur's creative, inspiring and trenchant documentary oeuvre……….really, perhaps, maybe….

* That (editing, acting, story, lighting, complex narrative) is absolutely amazing! And he (Nelson Auteur) makes a couple of good points. 2 of them. Inspiring.

* Dear Sir and Madam, I write with reference to the so called Nelson Auteur. Stumbling upon this poseur, I am reminded of another white haired ascetic seer whose jesting play with a novice journalist led to a mid-west American paper's head-lining of the tenantcy in a local hotel of an addled old man whose mania consisted not only of a belief that he was Mark Twain, but, more terrifyingly, that he was the dead twin of that celebrated author who himself had mistakenly been pronounced dead during the confused panic following a bath time play tragedy...and buried alive; thus leaving (an improbable, nay monstrous, lie) the actually dead boy to carry on.

The N.A. likewise inhabits an intellectual height (3rd floor, admittedly, but the equivalent of a skyscraper in Nelson B.C., or so I'm lead to believe), whether mantled in vegetative vestments, the curtaining garb of a veritable potentate, or the hydrocephalic noggin of an all knowing talk show wiseman, and brings everyone up (or down) to is level.

To the Nelson Auteur, part two. Some would praise him, some would bury him...Is he mad, or merely an errant crochet?

Thus, I come to wonder at his elaborate ruse; he presents himself full face, whatever artificial distortions, yet resolutely disguised--and here is the fiendish trace of of genius at work--as himself. These are fairy tales, in the authentic original sense, rather than the dismissive form of Disneyfication, and the N.A. is (behind the tricks, the masquerade of the bewitched toad) the dreaming Prince, the Sleeping Beauty, the poet monkey (manky?...damn these foreign tongues!). Which reminds me, a lot of these characters he associates with appear, if not outright foreigners, damned strange...

(There is a demon in this email program but briefly here's the 3rd and final bit) The point? Yes, yes, Mister Nelson Auteur; I am watching! Yours conventionally, Nosille Nostrebor, Esq. and member of the Order of the JCB.

* Funny and a little nutty!

* What can I say, except that I know (knew?) this man when he first, well, not quite first, but somehow always first. One has to make some, what can I say? some allowances for, well, his head, or at least, its shape, no, I mean changing shape. You know what I mean.

* Have just been rather hypnotized by watching your Nelson auteur videos (haven't watched all of them yet). Amazing! I find them funny, sad, brilliant, poignant and much more...keep it up buddy, you are GOOD!

* "Fresh link"…..don't try to confuse me. I clicked on www.nelsonauteur.com and all that came up was some youtube video which had no sound. Stop jerking me around. Just send me stuff that I can access. If you don't get permission to use my name it will come with a fairly hefty price tag.

* I do not like getting these emails sent to me AND "undisclosed recipients" First off, there is nothing when I click on the link. Secondly, I do not like it when you share things meant only for me ….with others.

* Too funny, you've out done yourself! The people of Nelson if they weren't aware of what was fomenting before should be very afraid now!

* I have to ask, given the END (Apocalypse )is nigh: Whats all this pseudo latin retraction business ? ... it either happens or it doesn't ... if it don't - you pack up your tent and move to Vernon and see if the chumps up there will put you up in a theistic consulting capacity for a few years and then you can start serving the cool aid again. If it does come as predicted, we can all pull on the Sears poncho and wrap a newspaper around our heads, alla Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention and start chanting about NOTHING like our hair was on fire! Let me know how you think its going to turn out.

*Looks really good! Man that was quick...